Captain Cum: July 2004

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

The Captain will be in South Africa during the month of August. I'll come back in September, mightier than ever. I want to thank the mighty pirates that support the site and sail the pussea with me. Take care my friends and don't forget to visit my comrades at Phun, Exbyte and College Sucks, as well as all the people that made the internet a cool place to be (see my friends list). Have fun, I'll be back soon!
prOn - Because you're worth it

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Do you remember Soleil Moon Frye? She played the title role in the '80s cult classic sitcom, Punky Brewster. Now you can see her as Roxie King on Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. If you grew up (or large) watching her cuteness as a teenage pirate and you are wondering what happened to her, The Captain has the answer. She went from cutie to hottie.
Yeah, Punky was a girl: Soleil1 - Soleil2 - Soleil3
Haha: Punky Brewster

Now that she has turned 18 and it is legal, Freaky Friday star Lindsay Lohan and her beau Valderrama have reportedly gone public with their romantic relationship. It has been rumored that the two were dating since May but Valderrama and Lohan both insisted they were "just friends," because Lohan was only 17 and Valderrama is 24. Now that she is legal, there's no use in hiding. And how could she hide those super boobs?
Lindsay1 - Lindsay2 - Lindsay3 - Lindsay4 - Lindsay5 - Lindsay6 - Lindsay7 - Lindsay8 - Lindsay9 - Lindsay10 - Lindsay11 - Lindsay12

Friday, July 23, 2004

In the remake of the french movie Taxi, hitting theaters this fall, Gisele Bundchen plays the ringleader of a bank-robbing band of models. Queen Latifah plays the best taxi driver in New York who is hired by NYPD's worst actor ever, oops I mean driver, Fallon. Whatever. As long as The Captain gets to see the hottest Brazilian supermodel in underwear, it's still worth an Academy Award.
Watch the movie trailer
Pics from the filming: Gisele1 - Gisele2 - Gisele3 (thx to The Superficial)

My cousin Mareshal Pimp just sent me another gallery of a black booty being exposed in a hotel room. Sammura is her name, sex in the hotel room is the game. Mareshal totally redesigned his website and it rocks. As you can see, sailing the pussy is definitely a family affair.
Click here to view the gallery

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

The official Playboy: The Mansion website has finally launched! It offers several screenshots, various downloadable interviews, game info and everything else you want to know about Hugh Hefner's empire building sim. No need to say that The Captain awaits this game as much as Madden 2005. Building the best football franchise and the hottest sex franchise as well, isn't that every pirate's dream?

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

One of the lifelong ambitions of Eva Herzigova was to appear on the pages of Playboy magazine. She says that "It is a great concept. It shows the beauty of the body in an elegant way. This is the first time I got everything I wanted, including the photographer. I picked Sorrenti because of his work. It's artsy, mysterious, feminine and sexy." She has stripped off for photographer Mario Sorrenti in a bid to garner publicity for her forthcoming swimwear line. Are those swimsuits made of an invisible material? The mystery remains, but The Captain won't complain.
The pics: Eva1 - Eva2 - Eva3 - Eva4 - Eva5 - Eva6 - Eva7 - Eva8 - Eva9 - Eva10 - Eva11 - Eva12 - Eva13

Saturday, July 17, 2004

In the Sixties, the ASCII code (American Standard Codes for Information Interchanges) became a new standard. It allowed the coding of characters on 8 bits, which could handle 256 possible characters. In 2004, mighty pirates of the pussea still respect the Code, in a boobilicious way.
Click here to learn the Code

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Paris Hilton has made a permanent symbol of her love for beau Nick Carter by tattooing his name on her bottom. In return, Carter, who has been dating her for seven months, had her name etched on his wrist. A Hollywood source told British newspaper The Daily Sport that "she said she wanted the tattoo to be somewhere intimate and for Nick's eyes only, so she had it put on her bottom." Tell me if I'm wrong but her bottom is certainly not the most intimate part of her anatomy.
For Nick's eyes only: One - Two - Three!

In a world exclusive interview, Britney's 55-hour husband Jason Alexander details every moment of the sex, the proposal, the Vegas wedding and his humiliation as furious family and lawyers prised them apart. Jason revealed that Britney Spears proposed to him as she lay naked in his arms. And she was so excited when he said "Yes", she rushed him down the aisle without stopping to put her knickers on. But what was supposed to be a honeymoon quickly turned into a nightmare. Learn the truth about this tragic yet funny event that should make jobless dancer Kevin Federline pee in his baggy pants.
Britney was my sex-mad bride (article with pictures)

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

The booty that gave a new meaning to perfection appeared in the July issue of Smooth Magazine. If you can concentrate enough to read the interview, which is hard to achieve when you have such a perfect ass in sight, you'll learn that she orgasms from being on top and that she likes to talk during sex. My friend Dr. Love also sent me a link to a spanish site which has lots of pictures and a video of the latin sensation on a trip to Acapulco, Mexico. Find out what "Demélo, Papi!" means by following the links below.
Smooth Magazine: Vida1 - Vida2 - Vida3 - Vida4 - Vida5 (thx to Phun)
Univision Network: 24 hours in the life of Vida Guerra

Monday, July 12, 2004

If wish I had received an invitation to Lindsay Lohan's 18th birthday to have a closer look at the nice pair of gifts she was displaying. It started with a dinner at Koi and continued to the Avalon Club. Before that, she was spotted at Hollywood's Club Concorde where she partied with friends. The Captain doesn't know if that place was too hot or if her dress slipped off, but I would give her a back massage anytime.
The gifts: Lindsay1 - Lindsay2
The Gift: OMG!

Keira Knightley got a new pair of digitally enhanced boobs for her King Arthur movie poster. Being a flat chested actress is not a good thing in the "bigger than life" dream factory. Instead of hiring expensive Photoshop artists, the producers should have sent her to Silicon Valley. Keira has a beautiful face but give her some real fake boobs, dammit!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Okay, I'm fed up with celebrity sex tapes. I could have made a post about the Abi Titmuss sex tape but I won't. A tabloid whore like her doesn't deserve that much attention. And if we let celebrities invade the sex market, the pornstar specie will become endangered. I love pornstars and I won't let them sink, so today the pirate ship will dock at the port and The Captain is going to share one of his secrets with you. You may wonder how a mighty pirate like me always keeps his booty high and dry, even in deep seas? Well, that's because The Captain only uses Jolly Roger Pirate Wipes™. Try them out and you'll see the difference! Oh, and if you still want to see how the Abi Titmuss sex tape looks like, here's a sample clip.

Red Light District brings you 6 new sexy starlets. All girls are fresh off the porn bus willing to do whatever it takes to become pornstars. Anal, 2 on 1 and lots of facials. Brand New #1 is definitely one of the best adult movies produced by this studio.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

A S&M sex tape starring Hollywood actress Cameron Diaz has been released by a shadowy Russian group (Scandal Inc). The "Charlie's Angels" actress had originally demanded an injunction to stop photographer, John Rutter, from trying to exploit topless photographs and video footage of her back in June of 2003 but he still managed to sell the tape. The photos and footage were taken when Diaz, now 31, was a 19-year-old wild model who had not yet gained the fame and maturity as an actress. There was a trailer available on Scandal Inc website but it got removed due to massive amount of traffic. The Captain is a bit disappointed because there's no real hardcore scene in this movie, all you get to see are her (beautiful) boobs. Damn, even Paris Hilton sex tape has more pussy in it! It's not worth your money, but if you still want to have a peek:
Cameron diaz Sex(y) Tape Trailer (zip file, password: diaz)
Update: Download The Full Version (Hurry up!!!)

When a Norwegian band called "The Cumshots" is contacted by porno environmentalists "Fuck for Forest", we get to see people fucking on stage in front of 4000 people. It happened yesterday at the Quart Festival in Kristiansand, Norway. No need to say that the festival management is very angry. But hey, they did it for nature. Now you know what you got to do. Fuck for forest.
Read the article (if you're norwegian)
View the pictures (click "neste" for next picture)

Monday, July 05, 2004

Here's another spicy college story. Francesca Willis, a teenage girl from Barkers College in Sydney has been suspended after sexually suggestive photographs were sent to fellow and former pupils. She said: "I got suspended from school on Thursday - not so smart but hey when you fuck up you got to deal with the consequences don't you... pity this kind of shit only ever seems to happen to me... anyway all I did was take a photo of myself in my school uniform in what the school called 'a compromising position' - big deal I was showing my bra, having a bit of fun..." She also defended her actions on her personal website under the name "Tahitian Temptress". The site was closed down late on Friday night and its content removed but I still got the pics. Because I'm a pirate.
Incriminating pics: Fran1 - Fran2
Party pics: Fran1 - Fran2 - Fran3 - Fran4 - Fran5 - Fran6 - Fran7

Saturday, July 03, 2004

A teacher has been accused of having sex with a 14-year-old student at least five times at her home, at school and in the back of her SUV. Debra Lafave, who could be sentenced to up to 15 years in prison, has been in the limelight before, posing for provocative photographs in May 1999 for the Florida-based magazine Makes & Models. I wonder how she got caught. I guess the boy bragged to all his friends that he was banging the teacher. But who can blame him? It was my number one fantasy when I was a young pirate.
Fox News article (pics inside)

Friday, July 02, 2004

Lindsey Lohan, who turned eighteen today, will soon be the new face of Dooney and Bourke's, a handbag designer. She will appear in a national ad campaign for the designer's new heart and charm handbag collection, available in August. A giant billboard bikini campaign would have been more exciting but boob-obsessed fans of the "Freaky Friday" star will have to wait to crash and burn into her fabulous airbags. Oh, I almost forgot: "Happy birthday Lindsey!" Now get naked.
We want more: Lindsey Boobs - Lindsey Ass
Update: Dooney and Bourke's Pic (via f.u.b.a.r)

Thursday, July 01, 2004

After NY Post reported that Paige Davis got down and dirty at the Broadway Bares event at Roseland Ballroom last weekend, "Trading Spaces" star tried to downplay her impromptu striptease. In a memo she posted on the Internet, Davis said: "I did collect some money in a pretend-stripper fashion from a crowd that was 99 percent gay men! No one 'mauled my breasts!' I kept all of my clothes on at all times. If any... fans are shocked or offended by the Post's coverage, I would have them consider the source - the Post is known for rumor and exaggeration." Nice try. The only problem is that someone was there to capture the incident. Who's next?
Uncensored pics: Paige1 - Paige2 (thx to Fleshbot)

Today, I wanted to introduce you to The Valley, a series of color photographs taken on porn film sets in the San Fernando Valley, California, by Larry Sultan. The project investigates the meaning of home and asks why the ideal of middle-class domesticity lends itself to this most curious form of cultural appropriation. I strongly suggest you go see the exhibition at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art if you're in the area.
Gallery1 - Gallery2

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