Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Damn, we dodged a bullet this week! The Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that a law meant to punish pornographers who peddle dirty pictures to web-surfing kids is probably an unconstitutional muzzle on free speech. If the law took effect, it would have authorized fines up to $50,000 for the crime of placing material that is "harmful to minors" within the easy reach of children on the Internet. The Captain would have been forced to implement some sort of intrusive age verification system or even shut down this site. My friends, we've won a battle but the war isn't over yet. It's time to celebrate while we can with thirteen galleries of juicy asses.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Do you know how to attract the attention of the modern male consumer? Ass-vertise! Last friday, a bunch of nice booties paraded around Grand Central station to promote the New York Health and Racquet Club and a class they offer, called "Booty Call." Darren Paul, the founder of this ad agency, told that "people were going nuts, as building windows were lined with people in there offices trying to get a glimpse, passers-by stopped for quite a while to watch it in action, and a bunch of news reporters came to have a look." Ass-vertising asses would definitely be a perfect way to promote Captain Cum.
Click here for the pictures
Click here for the video

Monday, June 28, 2004

It's not everyday we get to see noble boobs, unless your date is a member of the royal family of course. The following picture of Princess Madeleine of Sweden has been removed from a website by her father, King Carl Gustaf of Sweden. Baby, with all the respect due to the nobility, I think your father should stop acting like a dumbass. He should be proud of having such a good looking daughter. By the way, he can send his knights to remove this picture from my site, they are no match for a good ol' pirate like Captain Cum.
In Italy, it doesn't matter if the TV broadcast is about sports, news, entertainment or politics. It's always a pleasure to watch because there's always a sexy girl walking around. And even if the Italian team has not been very lucky with the 2004 Euro soccer championship, there's no reason to be sad because when Ramona Chorleu announces the score, it brings happiness to a whole nation.

Sunday, June 27, 2004

I got something coming straight from Holland. It's not weed but you may get high with these pictures of Klarissa Patijn who appeared in Dutch Playboy's July issue. And the best is yet to come because her website is coming soon. But for the time being, let's have a look at this:
Klarissa1 - Klarissa2 - Klarissa3 - Klarissa4 - Klarissa5 - Klarissa6

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Hi everyone! Today I had to make important decisions. The first one was easy. You may notice that the layout of the site has been totally revamped. I got rid of the fancy colors and buttons and opted for a much simplier layout. I had google in mind when I made that choice because I wanted a clean and fast loading page so here it is. I hope you like it as much as I do. The second decision was a bit more difficult to take. As an adult webmaster with a PHD in bootyology, I was given the responsability to vote for the third round of Miss GFY contest and all I can say is that some of these amateur models look really hot in their GFY thong!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Now even fake celebrities want their share of the pie in the sex tape market. Survivor's Jenna Lewis just unleashed her honeymoon video and it's way more interesting than the boring reality show. I didn't want to post this at first because I don't give a fuck about her but I watched the video and it's really hot. It's at least ten times hotter than the Paris Hilton video, which is not hard to achieve. See what other people have to say about the movie by clicking here.

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Naomi Campbell claims that her privacy is important to her but she has a strange way of showing it. She was wearing a tiny bikini at a fashion show in Brazil when it happened. The supermodel who is worried about her rights exposed her left. May I ask a question to the recovering cocaine addict? I see the nipple but where is the boob? Sorry to invade your privacy but those things look like pectorals to me.
Nipple1 - Nipple2 - Nipple3

Saturday, June 19, 2004

My latest DVD selection is 110% Natural #1 from Red Light District studios. Shot entirely in Budapest, it features eight Hungarian sluts with big bouncing natural breasts. As always with this studio, the production is top notch and those girls are bootylicious. Captain Cum approved!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

This world can make me sad sometimes. Especially when I see thousands of people who become homeless after a war devastated their country. Fortunately, there is a beautiful woman who's here to help out refugees. She spends lots of time hunting for lost treasures in a super sexy outfit but in her spare time, Angelina Jolie is the goodwill ambassador for the United Nations. This article says that people from all over the world will be gathering in Barcelona on 20 June to commemorate World Refugee Day. But I'm sure a bunch of them are going there to commemorate her beauty. Fuck, I can be so romantic sometimes.
Angelina1 - Angelina2 - Angelina3 - Angelina4 - Angelina5 - Angelina6
Do you know what a Mormon stockbroker, a former Playboy model, the daughter of a blues guitarist, rohypnol, and a pornstar have in common? They are involved in one of the scariest murder case The Captain has heard about. I know it looks like a movie plot or a bad joke but it really happened. Damn!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Yeah, I want to believe that some guy in Kentwood, Lousiana got a porn tape featuring himself having sex with Britney Spears. I also believe that there is a tape featuring the Olsen Twins getting pimp slapped by gangsta rapper Bow Wow, and that Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton taped the torrid sex moments they had in the hotel after the 2004 MTV movie awards. The following is a listing that appeared in Craigslist classifieds two days ago. It has been deleted but fortunately our friends at Fleshbot saved a copy of the text:

Need help selling celeb porn tape
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: 2004-06-14, 7:20PM PDT

I'm kinda unsure how to do this being a "county boy" but I have a tape shot of me and Britney Spears and I was wondering if anyone in the big city of LA would know who I could sell it to. I need the money and she dosn't even talk to me anymore, thanks a lot.

this is in or around Kentwood, LA
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Monday, June 14, 2004

Vida Guerra gave an interview for XXL magazine. Guess what? Yeah, I skipped the boring questions and went straight to the pics. I'm the only one who asks the right questions. Give me the answer to this very important question: What are pirates and thieves looking for?
Booty1 - Booty2 - Booty3 - Booty4

Sunday, June 13, 2004

The Captain loves annoying pop stars like Britney Spears. Why? Because they will do anything to sell albums. This includes showing some lingerie, playing basketball and featuring Snoop Dogg in their videos. Unfortunately, pop stars are not made of steel and Brizzle had to stop the shooting of her last videoclip when she injured her knee. The good part is that she had time to show some underwear before it happened.
The Olsen twins finally turned eighteen today. Now what? As long as we don't get to see some naked pictures of them, who really cares? I don't. The Captain will keep you updated with forthcoming nipple slips, stolen sex tapes scandals and playboy photoshoots. Anything can happen with publicity whores!

Saturday, June 12, 2004

The National-Bolshevik party claims to pick up thesises from Communism and Fascism to create a new Geopolitical empire merging Europe and Russia "to oppose America and it's materialist Cosmopolitanism". They say they're not racist but they want to preserve the "unique ethnical, national and religious entities in Europa and Russia under the shield of the Eurasian union block" and they shamelessly merge Nazi and Fascist symbols with portraits of Che Guevara. Fuck them. Do people never learn lessons from the past? Those pretty girls wearing the red ribbon reminiscent of SS officers deserve a good spanking.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Tomorrow the UEFA Euro 2004 soccer championship is kicking off in Portugal. The Captain loves the NFL football championship as much as the FIFA soccer championships but I know that there are people who could care less. I want everyone to be happy so I tought I could offer some soccer babe pics to my beloved readers. I'm sure everyone will appreciate this sport from this point of view. Damn, Euro 2004 makes me horny.
There's something I don't understand about Lindsey Lohan nipple slip performances. Why does she always let her right nipple slip and never the left one? Is there something wrong with her left nipple? This is a mystery. Maybe she hasn't got one, or maybe it is to shy to show off. Come on, Mr. Lindsey's Left Nipple, show the world how pink you are. Her right nipple is getting lots of press coverage, as seen on these pictures:
Nipple1 - Nipple2 - Nipple3 - Nipple4 - Bonus
Don't let this popularity make us forget that nipples come in pairs!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

The 2004 MTV Movie Awards haven't been aired yet and The Captain already has some pictures from the show to share with you. Yeah, internet is magic. Last year we saw Madonna and Britney Spears kissing each other. MTV knows that men love girls who love girls so there is more lesbian action this year with a Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra publicity whore kiss. Eighteen years old nipple slip artist Lindsey Lohan hosted this teenage orgy. It looks like she stole the show with some sexy dance moves that kicked off the festivities. More pics are available in this nice gallery.
Just in case you still didn't download the Severina Vuckovic sex tape, here are some vidcaps to convince you to do it now. It's really worth your time. Check my previous post about the Czech pop star for download instructions and for some interesting info about this sex scandal.

My cousin Mareshal Pimp is the specialist of hot black booties. He recently discovered a newcummer in porn called Monique. If you love phat booties like I do, you'll love those movie clips.

Monday, June 07, 2004

What the hell happened? I knew that former playmate Anna Nicole Smith lost a ton of weight in a very short time but it seems a lot of it has migrated to her breasts. She recently appeared in the Tonight Show and she looked like the hottie I used to love. Just have a look at these boobylicious weapons of mass erection. I wish I could sleep on these.

I'm not the only one who falls in love with pornstars. You may have seen Max, a student at Connecticut's Weston High School who won a prom date with pornstar Tyler Faith on Howard Stern's show last Friday. His dream was to take a porn star to the dance and it almost came true. Almost because Weston High Principal Mary Kolek said a date with a pornstar violates the school's prom guidelines and Max was not allowed to attend the party with Tyler. Mary Kolek said Max would be allowed to attend with a more appropriate date. The question is what is an appropriate date? A fat girl with small boobs maybe. School sucks!

Friday, June 04, 2004

1 In The Pink 1 In The Stink. Is that modern poetry? No, it's a prOn movie featuring 5 nubile sluts who go the double pumping double penetration route in every scene. The cover girl Jayna Osso is incredibly hot as are the other ladies. The Captain fell in love with that booty. Damn, I always fall in love with pornstars.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Celebrities from around the world, please calm down. We want to follow your adventures but one sex tape every two days is becoming banal. It looks like you want to compete with the porn industry. This one is about Severina Vuckovic, a top Croatian pop star. I know what you're going to say. You probably don't give a fuck about those Croatian pop stars. But think again. Someone stole a private sex video from her and put it on the internet. Now she's asking us to destroy it. Did I mention she's a sexbomb? You can find it easily on emule, just search for "severina xxx". Leave a comment if you need some help using this program.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Ok. These pictures of Britney will appear everywhere this week so here's a link where you can stare at those huge nipples without having to google for boobles. When someone asks you if you've seen those pics of Britney's boobs, you'll say: Of course asshole, I've seen them on Captain Cum before." Right?
Two months ago we discovered the metadoll, a bootyful cyberdoll. You played with her boobs and she helped you to relieve your stress. EGirl is a new venture into cybersex which take a step further. It's the first 3D interactive escort girl. She talks, moves and acts like your own personal sex toy. There is a demo available on their site which you can download for free. I was impressed by the level of detail, even when you do a real-time close up on her face (see screenshot below), her boobs and her bootylicious booty. The developers promise even more girls for the next version so stay tuned!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

You've been looking for it everywhere and The Captain found it. The full 40 minutes Paris Hilton sex video is now available for download. The home video was shot three years ago, while Paris was dating Rick Solomon, Shannon Doherty's ex-husband. It's a big movie so it's available in five parts:
Part1 - Part2 - Part3 - Part4 - Part5
I don't know if it's going to stay online for long so download it now!