Saturday, February 26, 2005

Paris Hilton Loves Fred Durst

The Paris Hilton Sidekick Tsunami wouln't be complete without the following photos that somehow managed to go unnoticed during the first wave.

The Captain has found two very disturbing pics that bring further evidence of Paris Hilton's bad taste in men.

Paris Hilton 1 - Paris Hilton 2

Fred Durst won't always be forced to pay pornstars to be able to have sex because Paris definitely likes them small. Wow, this guy is so lucky, isn't he?

Update! The last word of today's decadent celebrity life episode goes to the folks at Liquid Generation, who once again showed how talented they are with this Paris Hilton Sidekick Simulator. Have a nice weekend mighty pirates!

Friday, February 25, 2005

Fred Durst's T-Mobile Hacked Sex Tape

A sex tape featuring Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit has leaked on the internet.

After having read the silly emails that Fred Durst has sent to Paris Hilton, you mighty pirates could think that it has something to do with the Sidekick Hack. That's what The Captain thought before he opened a mysterious text file that came along with the original video:

"David Hans Schmidt - 602-956-8876. Nice try, but instead of you making money off this we'll give out for free. :)"

Doing a search on Google for David Hans Schmidt gave some interesting results. This guy seems to have good connections in the adult entertainment industry.

But Fred is far from having what it takes to become a pornstar.

Download the Fred Durst sex tape here (NSFW) (

Update! Here's another link to the video and some screenshots (extremely NSFW) (

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Brad & Jen: The Bacon Theory

Brad & Jen: The Rise and Fall of Hollywood's Golden Couple, the book from US Weekly that brings tears to our eyes, has hit the streets last Friday. The time has come for The Captain to look for the truth about what caused the couple's separation.

One thing that was overlooked in the book is Brad Pitt's addiction to bacon. When Jen was away, it seems that Brad used to schedule appointments with BaconWhores experts who came to his home to cook his bacon.

Do I need to mention that the BaconWhores are hot girls with perfectly round asses? And you all know how much Brad loves to spank asses.

Here's some evidence to back that up

I admit this theory may sound stupid, but wait until you read the book!

Update! Angelina Jolie is still the main suspect

Lunarpages Sucks Monkey Balls

Mighty pirates, my apologies for the downtime. After I posted the article about the Paris Hilton hack, my hosting company (Lunarpages) shut me down without notice "due to it having the Paris Hilton phonebook links and causing extreme stress on the server within the past 2 days.."

I thought Lunarpages was a serious company but I was so wrong. Damn, I even chose their "Enterprise" plan, which is their ultimate plan. I posted a very polite message in their support forums asking why they had permanently suspended my account and their reply was that if I wanted to do serious business, their hosting company was not the right place to be. My message then got deleted because at Lunarpages, you don't have the right to be critical.

So what does "Enterprise" means? I'm not sure but I guess it's a hosting plan for shitty Star Trek fansites getting less than 10 visitors a month or something.

The Captain's Flagship is now hosted by the same company that hosts Fark, something I should have done from day one.

Click here if you want to learn more about Lunarpages (

And now, back to the boobies!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Eglantina Zingg Loves Paris

The mystery girl on Paris' camera phone photos has been identified as MTV Latin America VJ Eglantina Zingg. Yeah, the same girl with whom Paris was reported canoodling some months ago.

I'm sure most of you mighty pirates will agree if I say that Paris has good taste in women. I'm not sure the same can be said about her boyfriends. Nick Carter anyone?

Eglantina Zingg 1 - Eglantina Zingg 2 - Eglantina Zingg 3

In search of Eglantina Zin(g) (

Paris likes to capitalize on her dates so the sex tape will certainly follow.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Paris Hilton Gets Hacked

Mighty pirates, here's the latest episode of the neverending Paris Hilton Pop Whore Saga.

It looks like someone managed to hack into Paris Hilton's Sidekick. The following links are allegedly her T-Mobile phone book, notebook, and photos from her camera phone.

I guess her T-mobile login/password was not too difficult to find out. It must have been one of the following combinations:

· media/whore
· paris/hilton
· tinker/bell

Click here to see Paris Hilton Camera Phone Photos (NSFW)

From her Sidekick: Paris Hilton 1 - Paris Hilton 2 - Paris Hilton 3 - Paris Hilton 4 - Paris Hilton 5 - Paris Hilton 6

Take a peek at her phonebook and her notebook.

Update! Click here for pics of her T-Mobile account and exclusive emails (

Friday, February 18, 2005

Marisa Miller's Basketball Diaries

Before heading over to your local newsstands to pick up the 2005 SI Swimsuit Issue, you may want to check out the inside scoop The Captain has found on one of the supermodels featured in this year's edition.

Meet Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marisa Miller, minus the Sports Illustrated swimsuit.

Click here to see how Marisa Miller began her career (NSFW)

Bad bad girl! Does your mother know about this?

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Vogue Takes A Trip To Hollywood

In Hollywood, there is a certain look - a cheerful combination of pastel vest tops, sawn-off shorts, velour trackie bottoms and Uggs - that carries on regardless of what's happening on the catwalk.

It's worn by Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears and every other LA media whore whose life is fodder for the tabloids. You don't have to be blonde to get away with it, but it helps if you fancy the Heatherette Look.

Italian Vogue devoted an entire issue to Hollywood, shot by Steven Meisel and styled by Edward Enninful, which features a "Papparazzi" style layout.

It's the best thing The Captain has ever seen in a fashion mag.

Take a peek at Vogue Italia 2005 "Hollywood Style" Issue (

Lindsay Lohan Goes Barbie

Lindsay is going plastic again but she's not playing with her boobies this time.

Instead, the 18-year-old hottie will get the Barbie treatment with a Mattel fashion doll made to look like her.

Yes mighty pirates. For a mere 30$, you'll be able to lead an intimate assault on Lindsay's most private parts.

Click here to see Lindsay Lohan doll finest features (

The Captain can't wait to shed her clothes like the ol' dirty pirate he is.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today I'll be sailing from harbor to harbor to celebrate Valentine's Day with my hot girlfriends but before I go, I want to give you mighty pirates a present.

The first 25 buccaneers who post their e-mail adress in the comments section of this post will get not one but two gmail invites.

That's right, one for you and your Valentine.

Have a Fuckin' Valentine's Day! (

Inside Mischa Barton's Brain

Mischa may be one of the Most Desirable Women of 2005, but she would be even more desirable if she came equipped with a brain.

If one of her publicists was there during this interview with Allure magazine, maybe she would have looked less stupid:

"I love Oprah. She's like this earthy, amazing woman. For some reason, you feel really small next to her."


"Tommy Hilfiger picked that dress for me, and it felt very cool and flappery. But I was like, 'There's no way I'm walking down the runway. You couldn't pay me enough money.' And they were like, 'C'mon, it's charity. Please. Tommy will give you the best dress.' I was so happy when it was over."

And last but not least... (via

But then, to quote Martin Lawrence in Boomerang, "hey man, you don't fuck her brain".

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Karina Munoz Is Miss Reef 2005

Last month, The Captain thought he had found the most spankable booty in the world, but the competition never ends.

Meet Karina Munoz, a 18 years old hottie from Chile, who is the proud winner of the Miss Reef 2005 contest.

The link below will lead you mighty pirates to a special photo shoot that Karina did as Miss Reef 2005 for a Chilean magazine.

Click here to see Karina Munoz and her fabulous booty (

And here are some pics from the Miss Reef 2005 contest (